I have issues! Please ist me in fixing!?

Ouch. I have blisters on my heels and rug burns on my knees and also a large bruise on my backside. My head feels fuzzy to the touch. I recently starting pimping myself (mainly because I don't wanna give "the man" %75 of my nightly bring home). my carrots were rotten last night so I went to Wendys and now I have the poops. I don't know why my mailman keeps coming to my door instead of just leaving my bills in the mailbox...it only happened with us once! So how do I go from Walmart to Kmart with out getting stuck in traffic? I just can't stand movng vans and pickup truck. I think I will find a nice horse and adopt it.