What to do about Major legwood?

A rather trying problem has emerged what? My old shrapnel partner Major Legwood attended the 75 th Battle of the Marne reunion yesterday at the x-ray unit of Guys Hospital. A spiffing shin-dig was had by all and I am pleased to say that yet again I took home the " best peppered cranium" award with an updated count of 537 pieces of shrapnel! Major Legwood was awarded the "best reconstruction award" after displaying his remarkable looking tonka complete with tripod! However I am extremely bagga - gaggled owing to the fact that I have uncovered my old friend to be a downright dirty fraudster worthy of being buggered by a petrified python!! Whilst dispensing liquid at the trough Legwood entered the privy making his usual huffing and puffing sound due to a bursting bladder but instead of doing the mutual man urination tradition complete with synchronised swaying he entered a cubical where I observed the sound of a determined trickle. I immediately back flipped into the adjoining cubical in order to further ess this unsatisfactory state of affairs. As I peered over the top into his cubical I almost choked on me bullet casing ! Legwood was urinating FROM A LOCATED UPON HIS LEFT KNEE!!! his reconstruction award is a complete miscarry of justice! I am tempted to immediately announce his bodily structure to Death Dodgers monthly and have him publicly ostracised. Would I be right to do this or is there some type of mysterious reason why I should hold back involving fluffy hearts and things of that nature?